Still The Dreams...

PHOTO: MORE COWS DOING THEIR COW THING

Still. Since I've been back I've dreamed about being in Montana, or riding (Western) and what life might be like and the people and the feelings and the sagebrush more nights than not. Last night was probably the most abstract version of any of these dreams, and my dreams have a pretty good record for narrative structure. I wonder if the fact that everything was so fragmented means it's escaping, this Montana-ness. I hope not. I desperately hope not.

I Didn't Mention It Before...

PHOTO: BRANDING

So while I was in Montana and talking about how I wanted to come back, Connie, John and Linda all three said I could come back and help them. The thing is that, mostly, more people make the job easier- that is if they know what they're doing. My one week intensive cowgirl training was enough- that and 28 years of riding. Ha!

I feel like I asked Montana out and he said fine. But it was one of those awkward unspecific kinds of ask outs, like, "We should hang out sometime." It wasn't "I can't wait to hang out with you, what are you doing tomorrow?" It's like, the longer you wait, the more awkward it gets.

3 More Pages...

PHOTO: ME AND BLUE

OH! I need to put Lonesome Dove on my Netflix. I'm looking for more everyday-type ways to incorporate cowgirl. It's been too hot to wear my boots, I didn't go riding AGAIN today (I have a 9 am conference call), and I can feel myself giving in a bit to the anxiety of all the crapola I have to do. I believe the antidote MIGHT BE Lonesome Dove.

I made a few more pages of the wireframe. It's a great exercise to visually put everything together and build it based off the concept as I see it.

In Small Ways...

PHOTO: LOOK AT THAT SKY

Today I had a meeting with a friend about something totally unrelated to any of this and my blog and business plan came up. She asked about the idea, I told her about it she mentioned her neighbor- a guy who started a web-based business and sold it. Vicki said she'd have a dinner and invite the two of us, that he's a great dude and he may have some insight for me. I like insight.

I didn't ride this morning. I've been having insomnia and I was exhausted. I woke up in a terrible mood. So I skipped. If I can sleep tonight I'll go in the morning.

Parents Just Don't Understand...

PHOTO: DOG IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

Hi Mom, thanks for the links to horse properties you sent. While the place in Kentucky was pretty and all, the cool cowboys and girls live out west. It's just kind of a "thing."

This blog documents my process to find a little more Montana in my life. I know it's hard to understand, but I'm not LEAVING my life here in Philadelphia, I'm LIVING my life here in Philadelphia. Realizing that if I had millions of dollars I'd be able to live two lives no problem, I'm also trying to become a millionaire. You can check back to read the trials and tribulations.

I don't want to buy a farm in Kentucky or a piece of land in Tennessee. This is all just "a thing" I'm doing here, I can explain it over the phone.

Note To Self...

PHOTO: ME AND JOHN'S HORSE BLUE

Last year someone pointed out to me the amount of work you make for yourself by working all the time. Back in my freelance days, making work was how I made money... and to a large degree I totally/full-on still have to get work now, but the practice of soliciting could be refined. This is the note to self. Don't make more work than I need to. Don't solicit so much.

I worked a lot on the blog today. Added photos and sent out the note to buddies that I have a little thing I like to call A DREAM and that I'm KEEPING IT ALIVE. Today the dream didn't include a yoga class, but tomorrow it includes a morning at the barn. Progress!

Going To NY...

PHOTO: ME AND ROY. ROY SHOULD GET HIS OWN POST, SO I'LL LEAVE IT THERE

I have a crew of people who are buddies, and more savvy than I, who are willing to help me put together the demo part of my business plan. This is why I'm making the wireframes. I've decided to head up to NY for a week and maximize the interest of these genuine genius types and see if they can't help me get things going. One friend is a programmer another is an internet business expert. I have been given the go-ahead-and-come-up-let's-do-this-thing-the-week-of-July-26th, so now I have a deadline. I think I may wear cowboy-boots-only when I go do these things, as a reminder. Sounds about right, doesn't it?

EDIT FOR CLARITY: On my feet I will wear only cowboy boots. I'm not planning on arriving nude-with-boots... Unless you think it would help.

Grace...

PHOTO: ME AND GRACE IN JOHN'S TRUCK

Grace is a friend I met on the cattle drive. She is really a neat lady and we had a nice time getting to know each other and drinking the bottle of Crown Royal Johnny foolishly left us alone with in his truck. He parked and left us for about an hour, and I'm not even sure entirely where he went off to, but we sure helped ourselves to his whiskey. By the time he came back we were pretty far past drunk and ol' Gracey and I were the best of friends! That was a great day, that day. It was cold and wet and miserable and we moved a ton of cows where they needed to be and once we deposited them into the main herd, Johnny trailered us out of there. The rest of the guests were stuck moving the rest of the herd or... I'm not sure what they were doing. I was too drunk to care.

Most of the images I've uploaded so far have been random, but this one is from the day me and Grace got drunk in John's truck. I'm pretty sure that's the day we won him over. It's the day Grace won ME over.

My Philly Riding Scene...

PHOTO: JOHN WITH HIS DOG, SALLY, ON TOP OF CHEYENNE (not in Philly, in Montana)

My English paddock boots got thrashed on the drive. The soles on both feet are pulling off, the stitching came loose and they suffered deep scratches that I wouldn't be able to oil out if I tried. I thought it'd be cool if I got Western boots instead. Nicole and I both decided to get cowboy boots from Murdoch's, the tack and feed store in Bozeman, before we left to come home. I got a hotshit pair that I love; they're blue and have pretty stitching and a more rounded toe than most boots. Unfortunately, I may have geeked it and bought them a half size too big, but it's been so hot out I've been wearing skinny socks, so maybe they're fine when I've got real socks on and things cool down. It DID totally occur to me that I can't wear my chaps with the Western boots, and I suspected this would be a problem, but I really, really wanted these boots so I bought them anyway. No, they weren't on sale. But Western boots would look good with a skirt, so it would be like a win-win.

Anyhow, yesterday I rode in the new boots for the first time. I'm sure they're great in a Western saddle, but since the boots aren't as tall as English boots, the stirrup leathers pinched. I presumed they would, but the real bummer was that because the soles of the new boots are thicker than those on my paddock boots, and because the tack at Chamounix is (really, really) crappy and there are no stirrup pads in ANY of the stirrups on ANY of the saddles, my feet were slipping. Yikes. With the thinner soles you can sort of situate the balls of your feet into the space where the pad is supposed to go and grip on while still more or less keeping your weight in your heels. All this is pretty important stuff, in case you were wondering. I'm not being difficult. I'm telling you: Western boots are crap in English saddles, however maybe they are less crappy if you have pads under your feet. I'm switching back to my paddock boots, and considering how un-rough-and-tumble (most of the time, though I have my days) it is to kick a horse around the ring at Chamounix, I'm sure they'll be fine.

Too Much...

PHOTO: VIC, THE CHAMPION YODELER AND BIRDCALLER, WITH YOUNG JAKE

After I got off the blog last night I sat down and worked on the wireframes for my $5million company. I have a significant amount of work ahead of me, but here's what I learned (and don't laugh... much):

If I work sitting upright, not on the couch with my feet up, and close my internet windows I really can get a lot of work done.

My usual pace is so much about multitasking it's no wonder I feel like I'm barely getting anything done. I rarely get myself into "oh shit" situations, where I am unprepared or I've missed a deadline, but, honestly, if you can imagine a map and you can imagine one person pushing all the islands around sort of all at once, that's me. Everything I do is on a personally-global level and it's all happening at once. I wonder how I manage, sometimes. It's not so awesome. But what IS awesome? Cowgirling.

Last night I focused and got a bunch of crap done. I made the kind of start that sets the pace for the rest of the project. And what needs to be done is clear. What a relief.

OH! And the dude who owns cowbelle.com sold it to me! I have to figure out how to move this blog. A simple, "HY-YAA," I suspect won't do.

The Plan...

PHOTO: CONNIE, ME & LINDA. THESE LADIES ARE REAL DEAL

There are a few plans, actually.

One came from Laris, my boyfriend. He says I should keep a blog documenting my efforts to become a city cowgirl. I like it. This is why we're here. I am trying to buy the URL cowbelle.com (you like?!) but we'll see. So far, it's Cow Bella, which I think is cute, but not as good. Don't think I didn't think of Cow Belle, though. Unfortunately some dude in San Diego thought of it first. Smarty.

The other plan involves how I'm going to become rich. By rich, I mean modestly wealthy. I'm thinking $5million. Sounds like a lot? Derek Jeter signed a $189million dollar contract. Shit's out there, man. I just want a small piece of it. This whole work to live rigmarole is totally on my nerves. In the grand scheme of things, I'm fairly certain I'm not asking for too much.

So:

Last year I had an idea for an online business for which I feel pretty sure I could develop and solicit capital. The idea is to start it and sell it (for $5million), letting someone else truly cash in on this amazing opportunity. Since raising the money is part of my effort to be a cowgirl, this blog will also document the process of my trying to develop this business.

All of a sudden I feel like I "get" why folks on diets keep blogs. Keeps you committed/on track. Perhaps this blog will help me with all that business plan writing, prototyping and investment seeking. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

By the way, as long as we're setting in stone things like "goals" this blog will magically make me accountable for: I want to go to yoga more. There. Said it.

So When I Got Home From Montana...

PHOTO: ME AND MY SISTER, NICOLE, ON THE CATTLE DRIVE

When I got home I freaked. It was utterly depressing.

I have a life in Philadelphia, a boyfriend, a house, cats, a business. I have details. Too many details. I have a cell phone, too many emails, so much for one person, and clients, and jobs, meetings and unpaid parking tickets. I have personal matters that haven't been attended to and in many ways I am a wreck. Things are complicated and messy and we don't clean up. I have too much mail, too many dishes, a cat litter box and dying houseplants. We host guests and parties. We do things. We sit on boards, we're "involved," we LOVE Philadelphia. I am exhausted, but I'm afraid to stop. It's not a problem. Until you don't want to come home.

Normally this pace is fine. I have fancy myself a do-er of things. I am proactive. I jump in. But nothing made me ask "why?" more than leaving, doing something truly great... and then coming back to my life. Automatically things have to change. So I made a plan.

Well, first I wallowed. But it was a scheme-y sort of wallow. And because I'm nothing if not realistic at ALL TIMES, in the midst of my scheme-y wallowing these things I knew:

1) I'm not moving to Montana (I don't think, but maybe)
2) 40-below winters aren't my thing (but can't you just layer?)
and
3) If I'm going to figure out a way to play with horses and cows MORE, I need to get money

There are a few more things in there, like the inherent oppositional force of my life as it is now versus the life on the back of a horse, but that's actually complicated, so I'm dealing with the simpler 1,2,3 stuff first. My heart knows there's a hypothetical there, and if I'm working towards one I'm actively working AWAY from the other, but OUCH. So emotional.

The First Thing You Should Know...

PHOTO: LOOK HOW FRICKING HAPPY I LOOK!

I grew up riding horses and for most of my life there were more days on horses than there were not. After college I didn't get a chance to ride much and this past February I got to start again. It changed me in all good ways.

In March, my sister Nicole sent me a link to a cattle drive in Montana and asked me if I wanted to go. Definitely yes. For a week in June we were a few hours outside Bozeman, rounding up cows and moving them between pastures. As a young rider I always fantasized about making horses my way of life, but as I got older and other interests set in, the financial reality weighed in heavier. Unless you have a lot of money anyway, horses "as work" is a tough life. As a kid I was always the working student and would do just about anything around the barn to stay there longer. In college we had an equestrian team and I was lucky enough to get a good spot on it. After college, though... I just couldn't find a way. It was horrible. Until I started back up this year I had only ridden twice in the past 7 years. But when Nicole suggested a cattle drive? Totally. Git 'er done.

I am a good rider. But I wanted nothing more than to be good at wrangling. And I think I was. I wanted to badly to impress the cowboys and girls, to show them I can ride, be the hero who could round anything up and chase every stray back to the herd. I wanted to haul ass and look good doing it. I can't remember ever in my life wanted to impress... a state (?!... more than I wanted to impress Montana. I fell actively in love with the way everything looked and smelled and felt.

This feels like a horrible junior high crush. Does Montana even know I exist?